Depression

Five months ago a certain tragedy pushed me over the figurative edge into a very dark abyss... The tragedy itself was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and it took a very long time for me to truly realize the extend of the darkness. All the while I have been hiding in a dark corner of my mind, unable to climb out of this hole. All I wish for is to be invisible.

I know it's not healthy. Hell, I don't even like feeling this way. But even as I'm writing this I have no answer. I have tried though, and despite still living in darkness I know I've grown. The journey of the past few months has been painful yet educational; it made me reevaluate some things, and the answers have started to change me:

• I started to think about desire. About happiness. I have started writing again.
• I started to think about myself. About motivation. About fear. I have started to challenge my inhibitions.
• I started to think about love. About sex. I am slowly becoming aware of undiscovered passion.
  
• I started to think about life. About being invisible. I have been hiding for so long that I don't know how to stop.
  
• I started to think about the bigger picture. About having something to say. I have started to question my voice - and the notion that I have nothing to say is suffocating me.
  

The worst part is that I don't know how to fix this. Being the rational, always-in-control person that I am, it scares the living daylight out of me. Or maybe the worst part is the loneliness. Even when you are surrounded by people you are always invisible, even to those who love you. Yes, the loneliness is definitely worse.

Being depressed sucks.