Life Anthems

During my turbulent teenage years, music was a huge part of my life. One of the ways I coped with "stuff" was to find a song that spoke to me and make it my 'motto', my Life Anthem (until the next great song came along of course). I have had several songs over several years that helped me cope and grow through things. Until today, the one that had the most significance was "Faith like a child" by Jars of Clay. That song was the voice in my head during a time of great change in my life.

Before that, some of the songs that made up my soundtrack was "Jesus Freak" and "Red Letters" by dcTalk, "Love song for a Saviour" by Jars of Clay, Rebecca St. James' whole "God" CD and a song or two by Louis Brits.

Since then my (our) CD collection has grown considerably (which is mostly thanks to my music-crazy husband) and the number of songs I think are great have increased exponentially. Many of them have spoken to me... like "Blessed be Your Name" by Tree63, or Casting Crowns "Praise You in this storm", or "Breaking my fall" by Jeremy Camp, "Perspectives" by Kutless, and a lot of Sanctus Real and Krystal Meyers songs. Oh, and don't forget Switchfoot!

The reason I'm writing this is because I was listening to the new Natalie Grant CD "Relentless" which just inspired me a lot, and that stirred the same old feelings I felt when listening to my Anthem. That's when I realized that I haven't picking an Anthem to live by in a very long time, and I am the poorer for it. I have reduced music to the level of "entertainment" in my life, instead of it being a tool I can use to elevate my life. I'm going to change that.

The keyholes we view the world through

I fear that I have become apathetic and passive in my life - within my mind and actions - and that it will inevitably lead to a life limited by my view of it. I've seen it happen too often, mostly with myself, how we put in so little, then think the little we get out is all there is.

I realized today that I'm not living in the full potential of who I am. And I know it because, although I'm older and somewhat wiser and even successful on many levels, my "inside" has shrunk considerably from the person I was 6 years ago. I know it because:

The things I've learned haven't made me braver, it simply made me more careful. The things I do aren't making this world a better place, it is simply making my world more comfortable. The things I say aren't things I know out of personal experience or even revelation, they are mostly things I repeat from
popular media, the news and gossip that seems to occupy so much of our time. When I'm talking, I'm not talking from a reality of peace and fulfilment, but from discontent and seeking the approval of others. When I complain it is because I feel justified, instead of thinking how it might hurt the people I love. I spend my spare time on self-gratifying activities instead of investing it in things that matter. I have dreams and ambition, but no self-discipline or motivation to pursue them. I want things to change but without it costing me anything. I want to grow but I don't want to be inconvenienced. I want to be a better person but I don't really want to change.

I know something has to change - I might have been more ignorant and naive 6 years ago, but I was also living out loud, making a difference and feeling good about myself.